Scrumptious Turd Dogs

Name: Scrumptious Turd Dogs
Ingredients: 1/2 c. pinto beans, rinsed and drained; 1 c. cold vegetable broth; 1 T. olive oil; 2 T. soy sauce; 2 cloves garlic, grated (with a microplane, or very finely minced); 1-1/4 c. vital wheat gluten; 1/4 c. nutritional yeast; 1-1/2 t. fennel seed, crushed (Lindy Loo sidenote: can you BUY this shit crushed? Because I've tried crushing it myself, and I don't even think the Incredible Hulk could pull it off.); 1 t. red pepper flakes; 1 t. sweet paprika; 1 t. dried oregano; Several dashes fresh black pepper