Big Queer Cold Noodles

Name: Big Queer Cold Noodles
Ingredients: 3 large eggs; Kosher salt; 3 tsp. vegetable oil; 1 cup creamy peanut butter or tahini; ¾ cup Taiwanese black vinegar (such as Kong Yen) or Worcestershire sauce; 2 Tbsp. distilled white vinegar; 1 Tbsp. demerara or raw sugar; 1 Tbsp. soy sauce; 4 garlic cloves, finely grated; 20 oz. fresh lo mein or ramen noodles; 1 red bell pepper, cut into matchsticks; 1 small carrot, peeled, cut into matchsticks; 3 Persian cucumbers, cut into matchsticks; ¼ small head of red cabbage, thinly sliced; ¼ cup unsalted roasted peanuts, coarsely chopped; Cilantro leaves with tender stems and chili crisp (for serving)